Why Do You Hesitate?

I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love

He's calling my name

I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love

He's calling my name

He's saying, Come up higher, and hear the angels sing

Come up higher my Beloved

Come up higher and leave this world behind

You'll find Me to be Beautiful

I hear His voice saying now to me, "My love, my treasured one, why do you hesitate?"

So my soul cries, 

The closer I get to you, the more I fear that you will discover I am not worth your sacrifice, your love, your time, your efforts.  If I keep my distance, if I come just close enough to your flame to feel the comforting heat, yet not enough to be burned, I am saved.

Am I?  Is this true salvation?  Comfort? 

Safe tenderness, without the risk factor?

Limited investment with extreme hesitation?

And so He says, 

The extent to which you let others in is the extent to which you let Me in.

Those walls that protect, hinder

God, why?

Why do I have to let others in?

Why do I have to invest in them?

Why do I have to let them invest in me?

Self-protection seems to be such a better choice, yet I know it is death.

So I walk forward in judgement?

How much more revelation does it take? 

How much more must my spirit be open to?

How much more, God?

I feel as though I am on the brink

Yet I hesitate

I hear the lie, I give ear to it

I hear him say, you are not good enough

You are unworthy

You always were, you always will be

I already know that...must he whisper it to me again and again?

Why is his voice louder in my ears than yours my God, my Savior?

Why do I give ear to him and not You?

It is easier to believe the lie

It is easier to believe the lie

others actions have reinforced it all my days long

So I look to men for my salvation?

I look to myself?

Come to me?

My God, my Savior.

Come to me?

Give me the want to want to be vulnerable, even to You.

Change my proud heart LORD God

The heart that looks to myself for salvation

to the work of my hand, of my heart

Make this my cry LORD God

I am running running after You

You've become my soul's delight

I am running, running after you

It's here with you I find my life

One thing have I desired

This will I seek after

To dwell in your house forevermore

Now I'm running after the thing that really matters

You've become my joy and song

You've become my joy and song

You've become my joy and song

I am running, running after You

You've become my soul's delight

I am running, running after You

It's here with you I find my life

You anoint my head with the oil of gladness. The oil of joy.

And now my cup overflows.